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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2003.07.08  17.12 Move your hips, pretty darling. i guess it's about time i write the typical "i graduated" entry. so... i graduated. how do i feel about this momentous occasion? i mean, yeah i'm happy... well at this moment, it hasn't hit me. the words " you will never be a high school student again" are meaningless... until i start college i assume. ooh college. now theres something to be a little nervous about... i'm just scared i'll hate it there. and i'm scared i'll never feel like my college is that good. i want to go to a college that makes people say "wow, she must be intelligent." god this ego of mine is killin me. oh speaking of ego, haha... i got my scores back from ap tests and i was wayyy excited because i got pretty high scores on physics c so i'm supposed to get a scholarship! BUT i talked to the people with the scholarship program and it isn't guaranteed that i'll get the scholarship becuase of the way the economy is. i'll find out next year they said. i'm kinda pissed off. but you know what? i'm still really happy with my scores. i feel smart. so far this summer has been very very fun. i can't really write about everything because you know, there's too much. fuck. this entry is boring. i need to spice it up. how do i do this? tell stories? ok. god there's so many! if i updated more often then i could have spread them out. now i have a difficult situation on my hands. ok i'll just talk about recent events that come to mind. the other day, tayler and i went to the gym and pumped some iron. and then she forced me to go to the beach. haha. we're like ok, we'll go to strands so we won't have anyone we know spot us in our damn bathing suits. right when we get there we see little zechariah calling out our names. so of course we go in the water. tayler gets hit by a rock and i can't keep my body in my tiny, stupid brazilian bathing suit so we get out and went over to our towels to discuss how lame the beach is. and right in the middle of our intellectual conversation the tides rises and completely comes up over allll of our stuff. in all honesty, it turned out really fun. somehow, bad happenings=one good day. that's me and tayler to your left, before the water took all our stuff. don't we look cute? so before that day, i went to cassman's 4th of july party. it was really cool. cass forced me to drink alcohol and it is my belief that this was a brilliant scheme to trick me into sleeping with him. i think that he didn't think i got drunk enough because he never actually made the moves. either that or i somehow outwitted him. those are really the only two possibilities. look at how obvious he was. i was just minding my own business and he just kept trying to seduce me. oh oh! and the other night, after chris' party, me and the tingster went to this asian party and it was so cool! they had full on bartenders and soo much liquor!! i have never been to a party with a better alcohol selection. the thing about asian parties though, is that is it incredibly hard to find any asians who i'm remotely attracted to so when i'm there i have no one to try to flirt with or anything. just "drink until they're irish" i guess. i really dont know what that means but it was on frank's shirt i think and i'm taking to mean that i'll keep drinking until they dont look asian anymore. haha. hey that was mean. i'm a racist against my own kind. and before that we went to the jealous sound. it started out being pretty fun. i faked like i could dance but i'm pretty sure everyone saw right through me. so i eventually stopped. then it got boring. we noticed that a lot of how a show turns out is dependent upon the audience. like i could go see a hardcore band i hate but these kids are so energetic that i'd have a good time anyway. anyway the rest of the summer has been a lot of good eating, partying, shows, friends, touching sea animals... you know, cool stuff like that. P.S. my little brother turned 6 today!! P.P.S. i turn 18 in 20 days!!!! Mood: cheerful Music: gary jules- mad world (from donnie darko)

	2003.06.11  21.51 i think i should probably be happier about this. Well on saturday i went to the notorious senior prom and after the most stressful pre-prom chaos, everything turned out nicely. I think my date switched 3 times or something... within 2 weeks before the dance. i ended up going with paul. no regrets, he was an incredible dancer. ; ) Anyway, things like that ... you know... the events that are built up to be hugely fantastic are never quite as good as you expect them to be. We got there and made our way around, checking out the place and after 30 minutes, it was like uh i think i've run out of things to do. So we were forced to dance. But oh! that ended up being a fun thing definitely. i guess that's all i have to say about prom. I just thought an event like that deserved some kind of mention in here. So i was thinking about how i'm leaving high school really soon and... it makes me a little sad. There are so many people i just met and really like that i know i'll never hang out with after i leave here. i'll probably never even see them again. like for example, i worked in this group making a video for government and these guys ended up being really fun kids. two of them i hadn't met until, i don't know, a few weeks ago and didn't really get to know until this past week when we spent over 20 hours together making this project(which mr. barnett LOVED by the way.) We'll all keep talking until the end of the year but graduation is on wednesday... after that, you know we're not going to keep a relationship going. it just sucks, that's all. You know what's funny? i was thinking about college today and the thing that got me the most excited was the fact that i'm going to have different food options. haha so typical it's pathetic. i'm a little scared though because they're big on barbeque which as we all know, natasha is not quite down with. whatever, they have a local trader joe's so worst comes to worst, i'm living off of soybeans and hummus. Oh yeah next Tuesday, EVERYONE go to ten buck tuesday at boomers!!!! we went yesterday and it was way fun except that we thought it was open later so we didn't have enough time (it closes at 10.) We're going to lazer tag AT LEAST 5 times. go. that will be us (above) except with more people and cooler looking. it's going to be awesome. awesome like this summer is going to be. yeah!! Mood: lonely Music: Hot Hot Heat- Have a Good Sleep

	2003.04.30  15.06 hollywood, here i come. So i decided finally... i'm going to cal poly san luis obispo and majoring in mechanical engineering. after going last weekend and hangin with Sol and AJ, i officially sent my letter of intent. this is kind of a big moment here. i'm really nervous about the whole engineering thing... i think my main issue is that engineering apears to be more boring than other professions and you know who i think is to blame? hollywood. hollywood creates this image like certain careers are so much fun. want some examples? you got it. ok i think journalist and think wow i could be just like carey on sex in the city! i could go to all of these cool parties and have various brightly colored outfits which i am sure to never wear more than once!! i think the picture i chose is a bad example of that since they're all wearing black but um... yeah. OR i could be a news reporter like april o'neil and get to hang out with mutant turtles who live in sewers because apparently, that's what the life of a television reporter is like. god i love those turtles. or i could sing and dance with my fellow workers in the co-ed bathroom if i become a lawyer, like ally! you know what? i really doubt that any of those careers are really that much fun at all. everyone on tv or movies just look cooler than me. like... do you ever come out of some exciting movie like oh i don't know... oceans eleven and think oh my! that was brilliant, i am definitely going to become a casino robber so i can be just like brad pitt and george clooney. because i mean, come on, they get rich, have fun and are hot. who wouldnt want to be a thief if you got to hang out with guys like them? so i've decided that there needs to be a movie that makes engineers look cool. ok so it will be like this... there's these 4 good looking men. yes, all engineers. ok how about we throw in some stunning half asian female engineer in the mix too. hah. um ok then these people are like "hey, you know what we should do? we should rob a bank and then start our very own engineering company." ok so these 5 characters are all extremely smart and they design all of these new technological devices to get in and out of the bank undetected. they go through all of these trials and tribulations to accomplish their goal and of course all the while, there is a love developing between the female engineer and one of the male ones. so right before the end, you think theyre going to get caught but really, one of the other male engineers has been plotting against the others the whole time and he gets trapped by his own evil-doing while the others escape. then, at the end the three remaining guys and the girl walk away into the sunset with really cool sounding techno music. ill create that movie and we'll see how many people start lining up to be engineers. or bank robbers. p.s. just letting you know that the title actually seriously applies to my life right now because on friday i'm going to be in my friend titi's short film... playing a hot chick.... tough role for me, i'm aware. p.p.s. wish me luck on aps. i'm going to get killed. call me may 12th because that's the next time i'll be able to do anything fun. Mood: stressed Music: White Stripes - seven nation army

	2003.03.25  17.44 kiss the sky. So it's been some time since i've updated... so i thought i'd try to something a little different. this a bryan tribute because i'm stealing his technique of using pictures to illustrate my journal. thanks bryan for teaching me the ways. To fill you in on what's been going on, last weekend on friday was sadie's.... goes 80's! haha... i was forced into going but it turned out to be a swell time. Tayler, Jessica, Carli and i most definitely rocked the casbah!!! we looked ultra-80's. we went out before the dance to CPK and pretended like we always dressed that way. People would be like YEAH EIGHTIES ROCK!!! and we'd be like what? what are you referring to? then when we got to the dance, there was definitely a lot of dancing... ooh baby... and even more water breaks. but honestly, by the end of the night, i had become tired of the eighties and was ready to get back to my modern age clothing and music. or maybe i was just tired period. I was thinking the other day, that my life kind of rules. haha. seriously, all of my friends are really funny and cool. i really know SO many hilarious people. i think people finally started realizing that humor makes you hot so they all got some and then became my friends. and my parents are awesome... and stuff is just kind of easy. i'm not saying my life is perfect or anything like that but i definitely have myself a good time.... like these people... you know what? i'm actually very tired and kind of sick but i really wanted to try this out... so um... yeah... i'm going to have to end it. but do not fret, i'll write again soon because this new picture thing is really exciting, i'm not good at it yet but i'll improve. Mood: full Music: Stan Getz- The girl from Ipanema

	2003.03.07  16.10 my heart pounds in anticipation for nothing. I would just like to start by saying that I have fallen madly in love with cursives newest, unreleased cd, the ugly organ. It's just so cool. The whole thing is almost one continuous song and it all revolves around a central theme or storyline. It has all of these symbols which carry throughout the whole cd... anyway, it is basically a masterpiece in it's entirety. I haven't written in a while because I guess everything that has been on my mind is sort of private... I just don't want everyone hearing about it. I don't really understand how people can bear to do that...pour out their deepest, innermost thoughts and feelings onto these things so that they can be judged and mocked by the masses of internet addicts like myself. But I guess if I did, it would be almost liberating, just letting everything out... note: ALMOST liberating. But not quite there, for this reason, I'll stick to the sarcastic comments and stay true to my reputation for being an unfeeling bitch. Oh yeah, another reason I haven't written in here is because nowadays, since updates have become so infrequent, every time I write an entry I feel pressure for it to be something really exciting when my life actually isn't very exciting. It's like when someone says “hey, I heard you were funny, make me laugh.” It simply cannot be done. Disappointment is imminent. Hm... now I really don't know where I'm going with this entry. Hey, you know what I noticed? This year I have become such an optimist... it's weird... I find myself saying "I LOVE that guy." and "He is SOOO cool." on a regular basis. I don't think I've ever been this upbeat. I've held firm in my faith in pessimism until now. I don't know what the hell is goin on anymore. I do like it though... I still make fun of people and all... like when tayler and I went to juliana theory last Sunday, we made fun of people the entire time. It was the best! Haha, sidenote: Kroq girls who think they're hard are so unattractive. Seriously, if you are one of them, you should really consider converting. I can't believe college is so close... i've already gotten back two acceptance letters! one is for cal poly san luis obispo and the other is for uc santa cruz... i'm strongly considering going to cal poly because their engineering program is so well-respected. the thing is, they don't allow people to switch majors which makes me incredibly nervous seeing as how i am not at all sure of my decision to go into engineering. still, it makes me feel good that i've gotten into college so i at least know i wont be stuck around here for 2 more years. we'll see what happens with that whole thing. ooh but i am very excited about taking trips to colleges with the tingster to check out the scenes. i'm exhausted. everything has been madness this week. i'm going to sleep. Mood: drained Music: counterfit- better late than never.

	2003.02.08  13.43 um, i think cupid missed. alright so i'm going for it. i haven't written in here for a very long time. everytime i try, i realize i have nothing to say but discuss pointless events of my life and no one really cares about that. but uh, i'm going to try anyway. ok ok i'll be honest, this is just my best effort to avoid reading frankenstein. tayler and i have a new thing... you know... reading...and tayler is totally beating me!! hey, am i the only one who finds guys who read books incredibly sexy? (tayler, don't worry, i know you think it's hot too.) i dont know, there's something really attractive about males who do dorky things like that. yeah boys, that's how to turn natasha on. ok speaking of turning natasha on... why is it that no one does that? haha. i mean, valentine's day is this friday and i have no prospects. how is it that people get valentines all the time? i seriously don't know. some people have one every year and... haha, this is going to sound incredibly pathetic but i think the last time i had a valentine was in 6th grade... parker adams... it was cute actually. he gave me a stuffed dog and chocolate. we had just started going out a couple days before so i didn't know if i was supposed to get him something and then his friend jon told me i was ... so jessica gave me this cheap chocolate heart lollipop thing to give to him. her dog had gotten into it i think, and so part of it was kind messed up or missing. haha. gross. then we broke up like, 2 days later. ah, middle school. i really do miss that kid stuff though... when you and a boy like eachother and you really know that you do but you won't tell eachother and every time you see them, you get butterflies and if there is any physical contact whatsoever, you start fumbling over your words and blushing. aw. so my point is: valentine's day sucks. unless cute stuff happens. but that doesn't happen much... mostly, it's just depressing. ha i remember one time when i hung out with jessica on valentine's and we were at her aunt's house which is by balboa... so we rode the ferry there to pick up pizza and then we rode the um... what's it called? the wheel that goes around in the sky? haha well we rode that and it was so pretty... with all of the stars. and i remember thinking that it would have been such a cute date if i was with a boy instead of jessica. but i was really sad because i wasn't with a boy... i was with jessica. haha so anyway, since then, i always visualized that as being where i would go on valentine's. i'm weird. i say all this stuff but honestly, if someone did something really, really romantic for me, i would get so scared. i don't think i could handle it. my god, i'm such a little kid. i really am. one time, i went out on a date with a guy, and all he did was give me a rose when he got to my house. hahaha... and i didn't know what to do. i was like uhhh dad.... here. um just put it somewhere. anyway, enough about my commitment issues, since i haven't written in so long, i'll tell you about a couple things that i didn't write about in here that were rad.... i went to berkeley with i-ting and stayed with carling. i was SO fun!! i was in awe of how many vegetarian choices there were everywhere. seriously, it was very cool... if i could get into that school, i think i would definitely go... there's always something to do and people were really friendly. oh, another plus, girls there aren't too cute so that made me feel hotter. niice. um, other than that, what's been happening... uh- i've been having a lot of conversations involving God lately. i went to Zechariah's youth group which obviously talked about God. oh yeah! i-ting and i are better at Christianity than Zech and his friends. we had a debate and the leader guy, zach (not zech), told me that i-ting and i totally won. it was funny, when zach said we were going to have a debate because we disagreed about whether man could be without sin... i looked behind me and all of the guys who were sitting on our team had moved and were standing by zech and johnny. so it was basically me and i-ting against all of them. doesn't matter, they got destroyed by people who aren't christian. and then the next day, daniel and i had a really cool theological conversation in tutorial. i love those. oh! i have this crazy exciting story!!! alright so it's me, tayler, and heather going to history of film at saddleback. (marissa isn't in it anymore aww.) alright so we're walking and we hear something foreign scamper across the ground nearby. tayler looks at me with a worried glance. slowly, heather takes a few steps forward. several seconds of silence pass until nervously, heather says," raccoons." i look sharply to my left. the is a huge pack of raccoons staring at us with flaming, crimson eyes. without a moment's thought, we all start running with a huge group of wild animals at our heels. somehow we lost them but i'll tell you, it was a crazy night. ok that's all! i'm going to go do some reading before work. peace kids. P.S. This song that i'm listening to by nada surf, definitely wicked hot. It was taken off of "mother f'n best cd mix ever" by Zechariah Bennett Francis. ;-) P.P.S. SAM I MISS YOU!!! honestly, i'm always like awww i miss talking to sam. i want to laugh! and whenever i see robby, we shake our heads because we miss your incredible wit. haha. when are you switching into my physics class? i swear i need some entertainment in there. i have to like, make jokes to myself. come on, just transfer, i'll let you cheat off all of my tests. or even if i don't... physics C isn't even that hard really. (you got the beavis and butthead allusion right?) Mood: sick Music: nada surf- i'm popular.

	2003.01.25  07.50 less talk, more RIVERdancing. so its almost 8 am and i am completely awake. i dont know what is going on... i shouldnt be up this early! i really have nothing to do this time in the morning soo i figured i'd write in here... last night, i went to the talent show with david and kyle. the show was incredibly boring except for forrest harper's stand-up act and the RIVERDANCING... oh! and of course i-ting's piano playing was a definite highlight of the show also. ha the riverdancing was so cool! zechariah and his friends danced in black and pink spandex. yeah, i know, hot isn't it? haha. earlier yesterday was SO fun!!! tayler and i drove around, dancing and singing for almost five straight hours!! and we found a toothbrush and toothpaste in the car so we used them as microphones... i believe it was the most hardcore thing i have ever done. aw man... i can't think of anything to say! i had stuff i wanted to write in here before... oh, i still haven't gone through with the recording my conversations thing... my friends really haven't been that funny lately. well actually, yesterday kyle was SO funny when he made fun of david but... um, i didn't record it. damn it. i've got nothing so that was not at all entertaining. i'm going to try to blame this one on the lack of sleep. bye. P.S. foreversexia: my name was in your online journal for the first time ever NyMPh497: haha!! foreversexia: thats an acomplishment foreversexia: an amazing feat Mood: bored Music: i'd listen to music but i-ting is sleeping.

	2003.01.20  12.15 this is the sound of me thinking too loud. so yet another game night at natasha's yesterday! first i-ting and cynthia came over to watch the program with me and my dad which turned out very nice. (that's not the game night part yet...) So after we were done chatting and cynthia had to leave, i-ting and i did loco and had a nice meal of a tofu mushroom burger for the tingster and for me, a tofu mushroom salad, oooh baby. so we get back to my house and there's jared and jeff just walking around outside. so they come in and in a few minutes, kyle and kenton arrive! YESSS! total party at natasha's! haha. it was really fun. i honestly can't think of any times when i hang out with those kids that were NOT fun. you put a bunch of extremely funny and/or stupid people in a room and it's just magic. haha. so the night consisted of card games, making fun of i-ting, large wrestling fights with our big rubber ball, and watching there's something about mary. hm were there any events the especially stood out? um.. kenton and kyle almost made out... numerous times. i don't know, it was all pretty good. oh yeah, update on the wedding of me and kenton, and kyle and i-ting, after a lot of arguing and fighting over who marries who, i think we settled on kenton and kyle getting engaged and me and i-ting getting engaged also. but we're all still living in a big house together. OH YEAH! take i-ting's and my quiz!(but for the "who are we marrying?" question, don't pick "eachother" because of the story i just told.) http://www.quizyourfriends.com/webpage.php?quizname=030111175346-Do~p20u~p20OWN~p20uS~p3F So besides last night, i'll give you a little update on stuff that has happened lately since i haven't written in here in forever... OH! i went to the WB studios with titi, jen and adam a while ago and we saw the gilmore girls in real life and we talked to the guy who plays dean for a while. he was pretty much a dork. we also saw noah wylie from ER(i think thats how you spell it) and that was kind of neat... oh yeah, i have a part in the next movie titi is making, i get dissed in it. What else has been going on... Well there has definitely been a good deal of dancing and singing in the car with tayler. hm.. i don't know, it's basically been just the usual stuff going on. that's probably why i haven't been updating. not much has been inspiring me to write. i'd rather not write anything than bore people with the events of my daily life. it'd be like... "went out to lunch with friends. we laughed some of the time. um... i got home.... watched tv.... talked online. then i went to the grocery store and bought shampoo, conditioner, soap, CDRs., etc. Then i came home again and went online. my brothers came over while i did my homework so i didn't finish. i went to kickboxing and then went online after a shower." See... aren't you happy i don't update TOO much? but i do admit.. i could write in here more than once a month like i've been doing. sometimes i do have a bunch of stuff to write but somehow, i just don't have the time. i should probably just carry my tape recorder around and record conversations with my very funny friends and then just write them in here. wait, that's actually a cool idea. our conversations are probably much more entertaining than just me writing. alright that's it. i'm trying it. well that's about all i can think of to say at the moment... Mood: cheerful Music: get up kids- valentine.

	2002.12.31  02.24 Kenton and Jared wish they were wicked hot. tonight was definitely the most action packed night of the winter break. ok i'll give you the downlow. no wait first i have to recap a conversation. kenton: oh oh! ok an elephant is taking a shower and drops the soap and he says "water water camara" jared and steven: SOAP SOAP RADIO!!!! kenton: i know but it doesn't matter because either way the punch line like doesn't make sense. jared: no, but we know. steven: me and ryan kartsonis started this thing called soap soap radio friends because like your true friends wouldn't laugh but your not true friends would. steven: hey will you put this conversation in your livejournal? natasha: ok! I-Ting: haha steven: YESSSS i tried my best with the recapping of that conversation but i am kind of confused about what was really said and stuff... ANYWAY tonight was fun!!!! ok first, me, i-ting, kenton, jared and steven all went to chain to see the confession and matoe. that was good times! we went up in the front and i was frightened of being hit so i like pushed guys in front of me for cushion if i got hit and so i stayed totally safe except for when brad like ran and nailed his head in my stomach but it didn't hurt or anything. not that it could...remember? natasha feels no pain. so core. the confession was good and matoe was really fun to watch since i had never seen davey sing. he is like this kind of quiet really nice guy and then he gets up on stage and starts jumping and screaming and stuff. oh yeah and he rapped. so funny! everyone was like uhhhh and me and i-ting were jumping up and down like YEAAHH DAVEYYY!! alright so the show was good... lots of kids there like the murph-dog, carly, joel, jenny, marissa, dreyer... actually im not even going to try to continue naming because there were a lot of people there. then after the show we went over to burger king and sat in the parking lot with some other boys, which was boring, so we all drove over to sit in in-n-out's parking lot. well actually, me, i-ting, steve, jared, and kenton went inside but the other kids stayed outside. (ok i know this part is boring but i swear it gets better.)then sol, AJ, eric, lauren, drew, etc showed up and sol wanted to go water ballooning and so most of us went over to sol's to fill up balloons. (see it got a little less boring!) we played battle of the sexes for like an hour as sol and eric filled up the balloons. i definitely rocked the house in the game. i swear i got like at LEAST 3 answers right. anyway so they finish filling up the balloons and this is where the more exciting part of the evening begins. we all leave in 4 cars to the senior center area and throw the water balloons at cars. ok i admit it. i'm a pussy and i only threw one... which totally missed by the way. alright so we're all in the bushes with the balloons and they throw one at this pick-up and i THINK that one of the tail lights went out but im not sure so ok they turn around and come back to get us and they pull into this parking lot right by us ... and by this point all of us are running as fast as we can back to the cars (except for kenton and AJ who hid) and so they're parked in the lot by us but theres this tall gate and the two guys in the car are yelling profanities at us and one of them jumps the fence and startes chasing us and was really close behind us and somehow we lost him and we all jumped in our cars and cruised out one by one and on our way out of the apartments we were parked in, the truck drove by looking for us as we looked for AJ and kenman. phew. that was a pretty long sentence eh? well it was exciting. while i'm writing a journal, i'll say a couple things about my vacation before tonight. ok christmas eve and christmas were really fun. i like my family a lot so i arranged a dinner AND a breakfast. me , my friend mike, and my brother jason made this ninja movie too (with the ninja christmas gift i gave jason)!! i got cool gifts.... and i think i gave a couple darn good gifts. i get really excited when someone opens a gift i like. i think thats my favorite part of the gift giving process. oh and christmas day, i went to tayler's for dinner which was very good. thanks murph! SO HAPPY HOLIDAYSSSSSS and happy new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyone have any resolutions? do people still do that? OK GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry this entry was all jumping around from idea to idea..... but i'm really tired and i'm having a hard time concentrating on what i'm writing. P.S. Kenton and Jared made up a new word today. capitol. DON'T USE IT. BOSS OWNS CAPITOL. Mood: exhausted Music: coheed and cambria

	2002.12.10  15.04 "I'm a passionate guy, white passion... like riverdance." God it's been so long i don't even know where to begin. i sat here for like 5 minutes trying to think of some kind of line to open the entry with. i should have started with a joke... "so two penguins walk into a bar..." actually thats not my joke, its sam's, if you want to hear it, instant message him - SamDaGiant. Thats right. Da giant. i think that's a bad screen name because he's kind of setting people up for disappointment. it's like "oh. giant? really? you think so? hm. oh." speaking of him... me, him, robby, nelson, pat and the kid in the movie are having an intense joke competition. NATASHA: 79 SAM: 78 ROBBY: 37 THE KID IN THE MOVIE: 25 NELSON: 5 PAT: 1 sam broke his ankle and doesn't come to school much so im totally kicking his ass now. he doesnt get many points when hes not there. every once in a while, we'll like remember one of his comments and laugh again so we have to give him more points but only like 5. so i'm still winning. i made a joke about plants yesterday that put me right into the lead. so on another note... you've missed a lot while i haven't been writing.... my cousin visited for thanksgiving, i finished my college applications... um... uhh i went shopping and i....took my brother shopping and ummmm work and ..... i did homework.... oh my god my life is pathetic. i don't write for like 3 weeks and that's all i've got? what has my life come to? wellll other cool stuff has happened probably but i have a horrible memory. that's got to be it otherwise i should just hire tayler to hold an L up on my forehead. OH! but on thanksgiving weekend, i got to see like everyone who left to college! it was pretty cool.... i love those kids... some of them. AND that weekend, me, my dad, and my cousin tamara went to palace park and we played like 6 games of lazer tag!! people would come in and me and tamara would threaten them and be like buddy... youre going DOWN. hit list baby. hit list. hm how can i explain it make it sound as fun as it was? oh yeah i'm a bad writer, i forgot. i should be using descriptive language to do it. i think i'll just be moving on to something else. today, in stats, there was this way hot substitute. me and mark stared at him in awe all tutorial. haha. just kidding. he was hot at first but then we realized he wasn't.... well i realized he wasn't ....mark..... he stayed after class to talk to him and i haven't seen either of them since. ha... mark is SOOO funny!!! he says..."I'm a passionate guy, white passion... like riverdance." i seriously wish i brought a tape recorder for our conversation. he's definitely an original...haha.. and this one time a while ago, i don't think i ever wrote about it in here but if i did, skip this part... natasha: hey um i was wondering ... where'd you get that updog? mark: updog? mark: what's an updog? natasha: hahahahaha nothing much... what up with you? mark: oh my god!!! i can't believe you got me!!! we should do that to mr. threadgill! we'll be like where'd you get that shombus? natasha: shomus? i don't get it... what's a shombus? mark: exactly! he'll think its a word! natasha: wait what? do you get the updog thing? what's updog... what's up dog? similar to what's up homie? mark: oh... oh ok i get it. mmmmm.... i think i'm done here. thank you. P.S. Jessica AKA benjy.... i just wanted to tell you that the bumps are not normal. i've never seen anything like that. you really should get it checked out. Mood: giggly Music: smile- she took everything

	2002.11.21  18.01 to be transcendent. well well well.... time for an update is becoming increasingly rare... well i guess i have time, im just always tired or whatever... or trying to focus on college stuff. i'm really starting to hate it. and i feel like such an idiot because everyone in my classes are applying to you know, duke and standford... and their GPAs are so much higher than mine and their SAT scores average at like 1450. whereas i don't even know if i can get into the UCs i want to go to. just depressing. and despite my dislike for the whole idea of regret... i regret not applying myself throughout high school. but i guess it's ok. i'll try hard in college. i don't even know if i want to major in the major im picking... mechanical engineering... but my plan is... if i don't like it, i'll switch to communications maybe. god i dont know. but i never do. anyway, to talk about GOOD things, i'll mention cool stuff that's happened lately.... i went to LAS VEGAS baby!! 3 words. porn, men and shit. damn it. thats 4 words. well ok... porn= they were handing out naked pictures of las vegas hookers on the street and i-ting and i were collecting them and sometimes i'd hand them out to gentlemen passing by. i told them i worked for the same company. annnddd men= well, there were a lot of guys around and we met some. one time, this one kept kissing my cheek so we left. and #3 is shit= i-ting bought fake poop and we put in on the entrance way in the mgm and videotaped reactions. it was wicked hot... everyone around us was cracking up. that's mostly the las vegas trip... oh yeah and my family. ha jesus... theyre funny... weird that i'm related to them. anything else wicked hot bosss....... oh yeah ... last week, i went to uni for their lunch time with i-ting to watch my friend chris lip sync for their spirit week and it was fun! he was funny... all dressed up like a woman... AND i got to see so many kids from the westpark crew!!!! it was so cool! i saw shana, giggs, sarven, jon, jasmine, cameron, stephanie (who i found out was coincidentally going to homecoming with my friend chris), and sara... i think that's all i saw. but it was so rad seeing kids i hadn't seen since 5th grade! a lot of them i'd seen since then but a few i hadn't. that's it, i'm going to go see the play, The Crucible for lit extra credit now. p.s. i was disappointed with the new harry potter... definitely lacking some magic. Mood: blank Music: Clint Mansell- Hope Overture.

	2002.11.09  23.59 undress me. i know quizzes are generally stupid and boring but i really like them. i think it's fun getting random ideas flowing and i can go off on tangents and talk about nothing really. oh and i'd also like to point out how relevant my title is... you know because i'm being "undressed" by the survey. get it? get it? //series one - about you ---> Name: Natasha ---> July 28, 1985 ---> Birthplace: miami florida ---> Current Location: this stuff is getting boring. but ok. aliso. ---> Eye Color: Brown ---> Hair Color: brown ---> Right or Lefty: right ---> Zodiac Sign: Leo ---> Innie or Outtie: In // series two - describe ---> Your heritage: ha. this is always a fun one.... ok mom's side, japanese brazilian type of thing.... my dad is half german welsh and the other half we dont know. we just found out a couple years ago that is his dad isn't his dad. but thats a whole other story. ---> The shoes you wore today: black chuck taylors ...wait im supposed to describe this stuff? oh. ok. they're old. had them since 7th grade. ---> Your hair: its shit. i hate it. its long and no good. no good at all. natasha for best hair. ---> Your eyes: due to the asian in me, they're pretty small. when i smile, they get even smaller. it's like my cheeks overpower my eyes. ---> Your weakness? geez. how many can i pick? ok to sum it up i guess i'd have to say kryptonite is definitely my weakness. ---> Your fears: ok knives scare me. and spiders. ew x174. ---> Your perfect pizza: um.... so this is a fantasy pizza? ok. got it. there would be soy cheese that is really good and tasted more like real cheese and less like sticky stuff and mushrooms.... garlic... olives.... that sounds good. // series three - what is ---> Your most overused phrase on aol\aim: i use "haha" a lot. is that really a phrase though? i don't care i pick "haha" ---> Your thoughts first waking up: oh god. not again. ---> The first feature you notice in the opposite (or same) sex: are we talking physically? welllll probably.... style. good style is oh so sexy. but cute eyes are great too.... you can tell a lot from eyes or how they use them... but if they have a good sense of humor... ooh baby. ---> Your best physical features: um... this is really a tough one. ok got it. my boobs. they are sooo huge. haha. actually, in all honesty, i think theyve grown a little bit. i totally fill up the a cup. i'm thinking that if this keeps up, i may be able to move on to b. ---> Your bedtime: depends if its weekdays or weekends.... i usually go to bed 12ish or 1 ....something like that. ---> Your greatest accomplishment: back to the cup size issue. i think i may have grown myself a pair of Bs. and THAT would definitely be an accomplishment. BUT i havent reached b status yet so i guess... the first thing that pops into my mind is getting a 5 on AP calc test... calc with glick was horrible. ---> Your best memory: hm. gosh that's so hard. i have so many. i've got to say.... this summer.... it was definitely wicked hot. i had a really good time. piles of fun. just piles of it. // series five - do you ---> Smoke: no. ---> Cuss: yes. too much i think. ---> Sing: oh YES i do! it's the only thing that keeps me entertained when i drive. if you drive with me, i sing loud and off key. dont feel embarrassed for me. i've come to terms with it. ---> Take a shower everyday: yeah. ---> Want to go to college: ah. this is a bad topic. yes. i do. but i don't know if i'll get into any ones i want. ---> Like high school: no no no. this adds to the issue above. if i dont get into any of the colleges i want, i'll go to saddleback for 2 years and transfer ... oohhhh i can not do that. it'll be like 2 more years of high school. ---> Want to get married: yeah... me and kenton and kyle and i-ting are planning on it probably unless we fall in love with other people. we're planning on living in a house... all of us. wow. it'll be fun. ---> Type with your fingers on the right keys: let me check. yeah i think so. ---> Believe in yourself: hm. to an extent. sometimes i do.... other times i think im so incredibly pathetic that i don't know why i even try. ---> Get motion sickness: only if i wear sunglasses. like sometimes when i wear them and i drive, i get dizzyish. but i always lose sunglasses so i therefore never wear them and never get dizzy. ---> Think you're attractive: i used to which is weird because when i look back at the pictures, some of the time when i thought i was pretty, i sooo wasn't. nowadays, no. it's frustrating really. there are occasional times when im like aww i guess im not so bad. ---> Think you're a health freak: no. just a nonmeat freak. and im weird about dairy. ---> Get along with your parents: yes! i really like them these days! my mom cooks for me and my dad doesn't tell me what to do! ---> Like thunderstorms: ooohhh LOVE them. i've been so excited lately that there's rain. i think i like it so much becuase it seems to give you permission to slow down and also it makes me think of christmas and i LOVE christmas. weird since i'm not christian. there's just something nice in the air around the holidays. ---> Play an instrument: well... what do you consider play? i almost sort of play guitar or did. // series six - in the past month, did/have you ---> Drank alcohol: i think so. ---> Smoke(d): um. what exactly. ---> Done a drug: what do you consider a drug? alcohol is a drug. so this question is redundant. ---> Made Out: past month... its 11-9 today? a month ago is 10-9... no. i haven't. natasha never gets any action. ---> Go on a date: i never go on dates either. do people do that? someone ask me out on a date. ---> Go to the mall?: yeah. ---> Been on stage: no ---> Been dumped: no i never go out with anyone so i can never get dumped! my lovelife is pathetic. this survey is stupid. ---> Gone skating: no. ---> Made homemade cookies: no but i ate some tonight. ---> Been in love: no. again. lovelife SUCKS. ---> Gone skinny dipping: no. wow. its been a long time since i've done that one. that was back in the alison days. ---> Dyed your hair: no. i don't do much of that either. ---> Stolen anything: oh yeah i think so. this shirt. it was just too easy. // series seven - have you ever? ---> Played a game that required removal of clothing?: hahaha. yeah. ---> If so, was it mixed company: yeah. i lost. had to walk down the street with no shirt and people watching. ah. dan claimed he saw a half boob. i'm sure it wasn't much of a show anyway. they're just babies. ---> Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yeah but not for a long time. ---> Been caught "doing something": well tayler tried to catch me but she was quite unsuccessful. ---> Been called a tease: yeah but i kind of forget who called me a tease. ---> Gotten beaten up: no. i am too hardcore for that. i don't fight, i threaten. with this technique, the actual fighting becomes unnecessary. ---> Shoplifted: yeah. ---> If so, did you get caught: bad memories. yes i got caught. i am so stupid. i feel stupid everytime i remember that. ---> Changed who you were to fit in: probably. i was a dumb kid. // series eight - the future ---> Age you hope to be married: somewhere in the 20's, after i have my fun and before i get too old. ---> Numbers and Names of Children: oh geez. i don't know yet. i'm thinking along the lines of 12-13 children named, natasha the first, natasha II, Natasha III, Natasha IV, natasha V, natasha VI, natasha VII, Natasha VIII, Natasha IX, Natasha X, and NAtasha XI and of course, natasha the great. oh yeah and thinking maybe about isabelle. ---> Describe your Dream Wedding: oh it will be beautiful. i want white flowers everywhere.... i went to this wedding one time, it was like...wow. i want it like that... on the beach... candles.... wine.... close friends. ---> What age do you want to die: i'm ready whenever it's going to happen. ---> What do you want to be when you grow up: i'm thinking that i want to be a lot of different things in my lifetime but the first thing i'll be is probably an engineer. maybe i'll be a teacher later. ---> What country would you most like to visit: i want to travel around europe. and go to brazil again. but rio instead of sao paolo and at mardi gras. ---> Current Clothes: black shirt with this weird side strap thing and pants that have a crotch that's too long. ---> Current Mood: tired. i didn't think this thing would take so long. ---> Current Hair: up in a yuck bun. ---> Current Annoyance: my eyes keep closing. ---> Current thing you ought to be doing: college essay and stuff. ---> Current Desktop Picture: a picture of jon with giggs in the background that blake took. ---> Current Book: i'm reading the taming of the shrew, dr. faustus and that narnia book, dawn treader on the side because i like to read nice kids books with happy endings sometimes. ---> Current Worry: college. the world's sad state. and that i have to do my laundry. i haven't done it in literally a month or 3 weeks at least. ---> Current Crush: don't have one although i'd like to. crushes are fun. you can get childishly excited about them. Mood: tired Music: music non stop. (the song)

	2002.10.22  13.55 some sad singers they just play tragic. Yo yo yo homie yo. so lately... well i'll just start from last wednesday, i went to the confession show at hogues and i must say it was a darn good time. i love those things... i always get to see people i haven't seen in forever. that night, there was tons of stuff going on... the snakes ssss almost had a brawl with kids throwing paper. it was kind of really cool to watch. wally was yelling at mike shea and then next thing i know, big fyfe is throwing balls of paper in mikes face and then mike reached over the banister to hit fyfe but people pulled him back and right that second that guy uh blake something was on the other side of the banister and pushing mike and alll of the those kids ran up the stairs behind blake. i don't know it was just entertaining. and that night, i got to see a bunch of hardcore dancing. i sat on the side and watched. so did jolene but then she got kicked in the stomach!! i felt so bad! everyone gets hurt if they sit next to me at hardcore shows! ooh i also got to see davey... i love that guy. he's one of the most friendly kids i know. oooh i get to see his band (matoe) play with the confession on saturday i think. boss. friday, there was a walkout but not really. literally, i think 40 people left total. including me. but then i was like hey. this is retarded. and i went back because there was no point in me getting behind in lit when i had nothing better to do anyway. during the weekend.... um... i went shopping and worked so so much. but after work saturday, i had a lot of fun because i-ting, kenton, jeff, and kyle all came over to my house and we rented dirty work. it was just so good (not the movie, although that was funny too) but we're all effing hilarious. thats why. and we're even better when we work off eachother. it made me miss the summer days when i got to see them every night. that was the highlight of my weekend. oh and about the movie... have you ever seen it? there's this part i think is so funny. the main guy, i forget his name... he used to play norm on a tv show so ill just call him norm and his friend, i dont know his name either so ill call him norm's friend. so norm and norm's friend are driving down the street. norm: line! line! (they're driving past a movie line) then norm's friend quickly takes of his pants to moon the line and norm honks the horn at the line to get their attention. so his friend has his ass out the window and norm just parks right next to the line and gets out of the car and walks past the line. well maybe it's better if you see it. but trust me it's funny. and now today. i didn't go to school. i went to my moms house, ate soup and helped my brother dillon with his homework. aw that little child is so cute. now i'm going to do my homework and go to kickboxing tonight. as you can see, i have a totally exciting day ahead of me. but wait! there is more! i also am going to try to finish filling out some cal state applications. oh my god! it's just way too fun and thrilling!!! P.S. this song i'm listening to, i am addicted to it. i don't know what it is about it but it just makes me want to go have sex. oh baby. Mood: restless Music: bright eyes- lover i don't have to love

	2002.10.15  22.46 ok so if you could be either that flag or the color magenta, which would you be? good lord. i forget everything that happens...i last updated... last monday i think? ok so since then... my weekdays ... i don't remember it's all kind of the same. Friday... friday was really nice and mellow. I talked on the phone with jen for like 3 hours or something about i don't know, a bunch of stuff.... it was refreshing. we do have good conversation sometimes. Then later I went out and around with Cynthia.... we went to go see this little band who plays at gypsy sometimes but it was so full in that tiny place that we left... so we went to another coffee shop and just laughed. the girl is so funny. i could sit there for so long and just listen to her stories. when we were in the car, i hid my remote control to my cd player behind my leg and was raising the volume and changing the song, you know just for giggles, just for kicks, and i'd be like "what the hell?? cynthia what is going on??" haha. and then she took out the cd to clean it and she's said "oh my god the cd is so hot... that's why its skipping!" and i was laughing .... i don't know it was just funny because she thought she totally knew what she was talking about.... but she didn't. and then when she was looking around for her wrist band, i put the remote control on the place where she was sitting and then pointed to it and was like "cynthia were you sitting on my cd player remote the whole time???" and she started laughing really hard about it and i started laughing really hard at her. oh it was good. so that was my friday night. quiet night out. saturday, i worked. after work, i just relaxed and ate... and then jolene calls me and tells me the show we're going to (plea for peace tour:cursive, poison the well, and thursday) starts at 5! It was 4:30!!! $#%$^^4#! so i called tayler and i-ting-- told them to come over right away and we went... it was perfect timing because we got there while this shitty band was playing before cursive. oh the show was so good!! cursive rocked the hizzouse. they got all electro.. ooh fun. i even went through this whole ordeal to let hayley hear cursive... i didn't have her number... and i ended up just disturbing blake's 18th birthday dinner (HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLAKE... i am looking forward to going to strip clubs and buying pornography with you when i turn 18 too.) and leaving a message for hayley on sam's voicemail. poison the well put on a real good show too. tayler and i went downstairs in hopes of seeing some good quality hardcore dancing. i mean it was poison the well for gods sakes... you'd think these kids could dance! oh no. we were sadly mistaken. i went to go look at where they were dancing... and they were just running around in circles and pushing eachother. completely pathetic. ok there was wayyy better dancing even at the little pesticide warehouse. there were these chicks who made a circle and tried to dance.... and this one chick punched tayler... so we switched positions so that i would be the one to get hit next time, if there was a hit, and then tayler got kicked. hahahahaha. even though they were stupid because they kicked tayler, i'd admire that they tried to get some real dancing goin on. you have no idea how excited i get to watch the kids bust it. so disappointing. BUT i get to see some tomorrow night when i go to the confession. next, was thursday... personally, i am not that big of a fan of thursday... i don't enjoy their music so much not live but LIVE, oh baby. it's incredibly entertaining. the singer is this little girly man who dances all femininely. AH love it! sunday, was work and then the rest of the day was the program and then stats work. not really much to elaborate on. monday, ROP was sort of fun. i'm just bringing it up because it hadn't been mentioned yet. there's like 8 people in the class and sometimes mr. naylor freaks out and kicks kids out because they talk about easy mac. ok maybe that only happened once. ok thanks. i think that's good enough for this entry. i've really stopped updating much huh? it seems like i never have time but i don't know what i spend my time doing... i don't do homework often... it doesn't seem like much goes on. where the hell does my life go? i think i watch tv too much and talk online. it's really become a problem... it'll be 8 o'clock and i'll think "ok. this is the perfect amount of time to do my homework and get to bed early." so i sit down at the computer and put my binder in front of me. then of course, i starting talking on that damned AIM and before i realize anything has changed, it's 10. so i think ok i better get to work... so open the book and go back to talking online. it's so stupid. sometimes im not even talking to anyone but i'll just read people's profiles or away messages instead of doing my homework. next thing i know, it's 12. at this point, i'm over it and want to go to bed. so i close the book ... yeah screw it. this is the ritual. every night. i'm going on an internet diet. ok 1 hour of internet time a day. this only includes reading profiles and chatting. oh! let us not forget reading away messages. haha. i am pathetic. really. the end. high five. Mood: amused Music: The For Carnation- A Tribute to.

	2002.10.07  13.53 in moments of boredom At times, the whole concept of life is a foreign idea. i take a glance around me and think "what the hell is all this anyway?" and for a moment, it's all unbelievable, incredible, amazing. And the next, the most unbelievably pointless pursuit i have ever stood witness to. ........ Nothing is so appalling as my own and my race's regard toward beauty. It's pathetic. Those blessed with a small waistline and a stunning smile are place up on some pedestal as if they're one with the gods. What have they done to deserve that treatment? yeah. nothing. I don't even understand it. A beautiful woman walks in the room and everyone watches in amazement. even me! it's like wow look at her. and everyone does. and how many times have you heard some guy talk about how he wants to marry some supermodel or heard someone remark to a man with a beautiful girlfriend "you are one lucky guy." god damn it. it doesn't even matter. those are just things i'd written down when i got bored at work.... and people have been telling me to update but i don't think there's actually anything very interesting for me to write about so i figured i'd just type these out on here. it's kind of weird when i write stuff that's more than just my daily events because i don't really know how much i can put out there and not feel stupid about other people reading... yeah whatever. if you think i'm stupid, fuck you. Mood: calm Music: the casket lottery- the matter.

	2002.10.02  20.44 tayler is the bomb diggity yo. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLER AMANDA MURPHY!!! so tayler today was so angry that no one did anything for her birthday and was talking about how all of her friends don't even care and little did this girl know that she had this crazy cosmos surprise party just waiting for her at 7. i felt so bad though listening to her talk about how birthdays suck. but it was all worth it when she saw like 25 of her friends yelling "SURPRISE!" i think she actually started crying or at least almost. haha i mean tayler didn't cry... she's hardcore.... crying is for pussies. aw but it was so adorable. (much like that HOT guy, morey, who was blowing kisses at me during dinner *wink wink*) i hope tayler had a lovely birthday. oh yeah and she is now an official member of the J.CREW wallet club yo. P.S. thanks carli for offering your house for this little birthday schmandle... i think we ended up with the best plan though huh? yes. i think we did. P.P.S. Ryan. we succeeded. it was effing legit. ha. P.P.P.S. Kenn dorey has fallen madly in love with me. P.P.P.P.S. the Q and not U pictures are up on bryan's journal. http://www.livejournal.com/~andthenyoudie Mood: impressed Music: three mile pilot- kill the racehorse.

	2002.09.27  16.40 tognar! jonah taught us that one. it's like totally gnarly. i know, i'm a bro. do you ever feel like you really want to talk to someone in particular but you can't figure out who? it's like this " I really want to talk to ... hm... yeah i don't know." Exactly like that. Maybe it's not even someone in particular... just someone new and different or something. i'm not exactly sure but i do think i definitely need to meet some new people. ok by "people", i mean guys. screw the girls. oh and by "guys" i mean guys who i can get excited over. it just might spice things up. anyway, my week was pretty good mainly. sunday i went and saw new end original and wow i had a great time. i can't even put my finger on why exactly i was in such a happy mood although i do have an idea of why i probably was. anyway, it was a great show and jonah, as usual, was incredible. but i do think that of all of the times i've seen him, this was the best time. tuesday, i went to see q and not u with bryan and dave... it was way wicket hot. they're so funny!! um mainly bryan is more funny and dave is the designated outcast. but it was slate and i got to see a lot of cool kids who i hadn't seen in a long time. q and not u were very entertaining but i was mad that they didn't play my favorite song. eh not a big deal. i loved that people were dancing! i haven't been to a show where people were dancing since the faint. not including hardcore dancing. well bryan took a lot of pictures there and he hasn't posted them yet but he better post them soon... they'll be on his livejournal... http://www.livejournal.com/users/andthenyoudie .... so go there and look. his journal is fun so you can read it too. since then, i guess it's been pretty much just the usual... plus college stress etc... tonight i'm going to watch the jocks (and i-ting's performance) after a bbq in the parking lot and then go to a birthday dinner for jessie. i don't really know her though... anyway. maybe it'll be fun night. i hope. Mood: bored Music: the jealous sound.

	2002.09.21  14.28 goodbye my loves. so this past week has been quite pleasant...i'll just talk about a few of the things that have gone on that come to mind because it's been a while since i've done this. hmm... well i-ting, kenton, jeff, pat and i all went to eat on tuesday (after corey's surprise birthday lunch!) and it was sweet. it was kind of a last hang out thing because they're all leaving to college... well kenton left today and jeff tomorrow. aw. i love those guys. i'll miss kentons knowledge of everything haha and jeffs oddly comedic personality. but i'll see them again soon. kenton is in love with me so he'll be calling me like everyday anyway and jeff is going to UCI so i could almost walk there. kind of. so after lunch, we got stuff at party city and then jeff, kenton and i went linen shopping. jeff left half way through but kenton and i didn't give up searching for his perfect sheets. we literally went to 6 stores and in the end, had 1 black fitted sheet. congratulations to us. but he did say "now whenever i look at my sheets i'll think of you." yes! my life is now complete. haha so after, we went back to kenton's house and he cooked me dinner. aw how cute. he even washed my dishes for me. god, that kid just really really wants me. we just hung out there the rest of the night and laura, jeff and i-ting came over. wednesday was fun because now me and tayler carpool on wednesdays and fridays so we go do dumb stuff after school! its fun! like, on friday, we found a lot of people to hang out with us so we went to the mall and del and 7-11 and planet beauty and carli's house and me and tayler got to rock out in the car. YES! I love rocking out in the car! tayler danced and i moved around. later that day, i-ting and i went over to kenton's and of course it was fun. we always have fun. funny people make good times. we left while his family ate dinner and finished up the thing i-ting made for kenton. it was boss. we went back and gave it to him... he really liked it. i-ting cried. i have no emotions so i didn't. i-ting and i had a really big conversation that night too i guess just about life and i don't know... that kind of thing. we don't have those very often. in fact, i think it was our first... well at least our first one where i opened up more... then i went home because i had to wake up early for work this morning. so this morning, i wake up and go to work, guess what? my manager told me the wrong day, i work tomorrow morning. pisses me off. i have to work dinner though... in 2 hours. i'm going to go do hw now. thank you for reading. and hey someone leave me an effing comment. hardly anyone leaves them EVER....so even if its like "natasha, you stupid fool. you suck at writing."... just say it. i'll still be excited. P.S. this was pretty chouette aussi. coolguy2353: you are beautiful coolguy2353: and you are awesome Mood: hot Music: new end original. hostage.

	2002.09.16  21.50 i just have no idea. so what has happened since i last updated? um. i don't know. i forget. i really don't have anything to say i just don't like that last update that i have up there so i wanted it to not be the most recent one anymore. oh oh i remember something cool that i did! i went to see new end original and that was fucking rad. we had a good time just like the summer days. and jonah... aw so good. i wasn't feeling well this weekend so i didn't actually go out too much and i had to work a lot too. hm... what else? i was talking to my mom about what school i want to go to and what major i'd like to pick and oh my god. it is so confusing. what the hell would i be really good at? i'm kind of "well-rounded" which people say is good but it really isn't because it means i'm not really particularly good at anything. and i was thinking about what i would actually enjoy doing as a career.... i wish i was a better writer because being a journalist sounds pretty cool. or i don't know... maybe something mathematical because i always did somewhat well in that. i don't know. i don't know. it's too hard. i can't take it... i wish i hadn't screwed up so much in high school so that i could get into a better college. that's all i have to say today. uh sorry to whoever is reading this because this entry was boring.

	2002.09.13  13.22 it'll pass anyway. i feel empty. i don't feel like smiling. i don't even know why. i'd elaborate but i don't feel like it. i don't feel like listening to the "what's wrong"s or "i know exactly how you feel."s because you probably don't or if you do, i just don't care right now. if youre going to say something in response to my somber demeanor, then give me a "natasha i love you." those are always good. we had this discussion in lit today about destiny versus free will... it was really interesting. i realized that most of the faith i ever had has completely dimished. faith in what exactly? i guess... the faith that there's goodness and happy endings. what a pessimist i have become. i guess it just could be the mood. i might not always be like this. at the moment, i forget how i usually think. last few days... anything interesting happen... yeah i guess... um... the other day, i got this text from a random guy and i called him back and thought it was this friend of mine but it wasn't etc etc long story short... it's a guy who i don't know and has seen me at shows or something but he won't tell me anything about himself really. seems like a cool kid though. and yesterday, i-ting and tayler and i went to see death on wednesday at the scene and it was pretty good. death on wednesday puts on a good show. we talked to them before the show because i parked next to their van. yeah. we also made friends with some guy from the headlining band, pivot, as we were leaving. uh huh cool. um i think that's mostly all that's happened lately. i'm going to take a nap before work. or i might go hang out with carly for a little bit before work because she's back for the weekend. Mood: discontent

	2002.09.10  20.25 tonight i am dreaming of naked boys. so i'll start on sunday night... beau asked me if i was going to see death on wednesday. i didn't know about it yet but i-ting and i were up for going but then i ended up not because i didn't know if it would be sold out(i-ting, tayler and i are going thursday now.) so since i wasn't going, i asked beau if he would maybe call me and let me listen when either "bad case of you" or "simple life" came on. he gave me an "um maybe if i remember". so i was bummed because i figured that was a definite no phone call. BUT later that night, i got a call and i could sort of hear "simple life" playing. i was like ah! and then it cut out so he called me back again and then it cut out again in a minute... then later that night, he called again and i could hear "bad case of you" really well! but again, it cut out so i called him back and it went straight to his voicemail so i just left him a message. oh no but it doesn't end there... i look at my phone is the morning and i have a missed call from beau and a new message so i listened to my message and i was like what the hell... this really doesn't sound like beau... then beau told me later it was nate from death on weds because he asked him to call me. Awwww.. that was so cute! oh yeah, that same morning, i got 5 texts from my "secret admirer" they were funny and cheered me up. i still don't know who that was. so at this point, we're on monday right? oh yeah! there was this bird in my garage and it attacked me! kind of. and it's wing flapping blew up my towel and i screamed and told my dad but he just just told me to open the garage but the dumb bird wouldnt leave... so i was standing there in a little towel with the garage open trying to scare this bird away when i was already running late for school. finally it left but i soon saw that this bird didn't part without leaving it's mark... yes it fucking shitted all over my shoes. sam, i think i agree with you, birds kind of suck. well... later that day, me, i-ting and jolene went to lunch and tayler ditched us BUT we saw her when we went and so we ate with her and blake too. then we all went to pick up our wicked hot shirts. they're cool i really like them. and i worked later that day which was pretty alright... it was soo slow but it was still kind of fun because i made a lot of nice conversation. oh it was funny... there was this guy leaving the restaurant and another one coming in. the one leaving had a cast on his left leg and the guy coming in had a brace on his right and a crutch. they looked eachother up and down and then both of them smiled and they started to discuss how they came across their injuries. and then i was like woah sorry did i just walk in on a bonding moment here? and they laughed and were like yeah.... ok well maybe it was funnier if you were there. damn me and my stories that no one cares about. so anyway... that brings me to today. i dont have much to say about today... i had a pretty nice day... yeah... that's it. i have a dentist appointment now so i have to go.. ah im late. ok i wrote that earlier and all i would like to add is this... kenton fibel has officially fallen in love with me. look: KenMAN9841: i missed you NyMPh497: awww NyMPh497: i know KenMAN9841: i love you NyMPh497: i am telling everyone one more thing, the title of this entry is dedicated to tayler. wink. Mood: cheerful Music: bangles- cruel summer.

	2002.09.07  23.25 tell me sweet little lies. so tonight was my natasha night. i just felt like being by myself a little bit you know? i ended up finishing cleaning my room which, i know, sounds really stupid and boring to be doing on a saturday night when everyone else is out partying and all that but well... it was like this huge cleaning and i couldn't stand putting it off anymore-- i have 7 trash bags full of stuff. the only thing i'm kind of bummed about is that i missed the crustation show at the warehouse. it was their last show.. aw. i know this isn't related but...i miss having someone sometimes... like having someone look at me and think i'm beautiful and listening to me intently as i talk or someone to tell me pretty words or even someone to just hold hands with. it's kind of weird that i miss it because i think about it and when did i ever REALLY have that? i guess there were a couple times but oh those times never did last. i don't get it though... how come everyone seems so capable of having that whole relationship thing? fuck i don't know. i don't care. i don't really have anything else to say tonight. i'm tired. i have to work tomorrow morning. so goodnight. Mood: indifferent

	2002.09.06  15.55 fuck this. i started writing this update yesterday but then i decided to take a nap before finishing and you know what happened? i fell asleep at like 2something during the day and i woke up at 6:45 in the fucking morning and it kind of sucked because i didn't get to finish reading emma spark notes or study for my stats quiz! oh well i guess. i failed both the stats quiz and the emma essay thing. speaking of school, it isn't actually THAT bad this year... i must say, it is fucking rad leaving school at 11:50! my classes don't seem too hard either... but i'm kind of mad about my whole having to take stats instead of second semester calc deal (glick said he could do it independant study since they don't carry it at aliso but... he can't... so i'm screwed.) oh! and im also bummed that i think i may have to take a zero or somehting because i didn't know that UCs don't accept ROPs for their requirements so i can't use computer animation for my fine arts credit. oh my god i hope this somehow works out becuase i really dont want to stay through lunch. you have no idea. i would have NO friends. i am not exagerrating... no one stays through lunch. ugh. i'll figure something out. my little brain is working out plans as we speak. ok this kind of talk is stressing me out. i need to write about something else.... ummm... ooh! yesterday, i-ting, tayler and i made these cool shirts(jolenes getting one too)! they're fucking slate. you can see them when they're done. i wont tell you what they say because its too cool. today after school, i saw this movie with amy and it was cute kind of ... like enjoyable to watch but it was one of those kind of movies where at the end youre like wait what? what happened? there was no climax or anything. it was just occurances. and then it ended. i feel stressed out and tired of sitting here typing ... so im going to go clean. i can't stand all of this school crap. sorry this entry was pathetic. so pathetic that im not even going to spell check. Mood: cranky Music: i'm watching hey arnold.

	2002.09.02  02.14 i am back baby. so wow. it has been a while. i am so tired but i can't sleep for some reason so i thought i'd do a little update thing.... i'm back from brazil! yay! the first day back was much better than i expected... but i think i'm too tierd to write about it. quick summary. i-ting ~ moms.with.i-ting ~ yvonnes ~ program.with.mike.and.cynthia ~ we.went.to.my.moms (also played a really fun game of story-telling with drums with the bros) ~ natales.with.i-ting.kyle (kyles last day-hes going to college!) ~ we.went.to.del ~ AJ.met.up.with.us ~ uhh thats it... thats my day basically. ah- i cant write tonight. so tired. ok i'll type up this thing i wrote on the plane too. here. so i'm on the airplane now, preparing for take-off. i wasn't expecting this... i'm really sad to be leaving. i can't say that i had a super fantastic time every second here but... it was... i don't know... for lack of a better word... good. (an understatement, i know) ok. i swear that i have THE coolest family ever. they are SO funny! (even though i didn't understand all of the jokes-language barrier and all)... i am definitely going to miss them. in fact, i miss them already. i missed them before i even left. it's weird because i feel like i just got settled and established bonds with them and i have to leave. i was honestly trying my best to keep from crying because it'd be embarrassing since no one else was. ha it's so unexpected- i thought that by this point, i would be so sick of brazil that i would be running to plane home. but i can assure you, there was no running involved. dont get me wrong, it sounds like i don't want to go home at all but i really do! i am so excited to sleep in MY bed and drive MY car on roads with laws and talk to my friends in english and see my mom and brothers (my dad is in australia so i wont see him for another week). oh yes.. i do want to go home but it seems almost unfair that i don't get to see all of those people who i've fallen in love with. you know, i'm a little scared about when i go home because most of my favorite people have left to college and it hasn't been able to hit me yet since we all left at about the same time (me to brazil and them to their colleges) so when i get home- i don't know- it might be um... empty? something like that. poor i-ting, almost all of us left her at the same time. i just started to try to write out cool things in brazil but i just gave up because i couldn't possibly do it justice. i've got to go to bed.... it's 2:45 now... 6:45 am in brazil ... which is the clock i'm on. night.

	2002.08.19  22.53 nothing tragic. the tape came to an end. it ran out of space as we ran out of time. i labeled it: "summer '02" and placed it in its case. i knew that this had come to an end. no. nothing tragic. just the conclusion of what i can honestly say was the best summer i can remember. they will all move on and what we had can never be recreated. so as i gazed at this tape with expressionless eyes, i couldn't help but feel that it could never portray the reality of what was. not this tiny little tape. not even close. but i guess nothing can. it's just all moments and though i try to clasp them with clenched fists, they continue to slip through my fingers and all that ultimately remains are the pure emotions and scraps of memories that i can struggle to piece together. tomorrow i'm leaving for brazil. i'll be back on the first. sorry to leave on such an emo note. hey. i'm pretty sure i'll be able to check my email from brazil but i'm not positive. pleeeeaaassseee send me emails. it's yohomiegfunk@hotmail.com . thanks. Mood: thankful